Jamie Farrell

Tickle Your Heart's Funny Bone

Things they never tell you

on July 22, 2009

There are too many pre-pregnancy, pregnancy, and child-rearing books for me to ever say we need another one, but it would’ve been nice for somebody to warn me that motherhood would lead me to occasionally shock myself with the phrases that spring forth from my own mouth.  Once the munchkin starts forming words and sentences instead of babbles, then I’m all about kids saying the darndest things.  Until then, it’s all about them doing the darndest things, which inevitably leads to another well I never thought I’d hear myself say that moment.

“Sweetheart, whisks don’t go on your penis.”

“Bean enchilada/yogurt/blueberry/banana/corn on the cob doesn’t go up your nose.”

“We don’t eat with clothespins.”

Am I really that negative?  I’m squashing his creativity.  Maybe next time I should encourage him to shove blueberries up his nose using a clothespin, and then clean it himself with the whisk.

But then I utter another one or two, or seven, and I realize it’s hopeless.

“No, no, don’t eat Mama’s shorts!”

“Honey, we don’t color our food.”   (After 4 years of drinking green orange juice for St. Pat’s Day, I feel 100% confident that I never should have had to say this, and I stand behind it just as much.)

At least at the end of the day, I still say the one phrase that makes it all worthwhile:

“Goodnight, Sweetie.  See you in the morning.  Love you.”


One response to “Things they never tell you

  1. Kristen says:

    LOL…Maybe you need to suggest he do something else with the item instead of no, don’t do that?

    I can see you saying those things to that sweet one. Unfortunately, I don’t think I could keep a straight face. 😉

    Just blame Sandy. Yes, and Riping. It is your fault. 😉

    Still giggling.

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